he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
