lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
