he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
