im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
we're so committed to being not committed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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