I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
