Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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