Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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