What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize