so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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