This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
