remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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