I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
