I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
