jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
