now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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