Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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