It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am one with the molecules
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
