I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
