I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
