you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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