I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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