the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
