Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
