Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize