I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Shame - the story of my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
