The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
