Im at strip club and am horny
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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