Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
