I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
