wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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