just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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