my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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