There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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