Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
