the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
