I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
