i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
