So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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