I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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