Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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