**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
