I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
