Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
