You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
