I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
