I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
