Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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