During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize