tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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