Where is the hickey?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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