there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
