Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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