Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
