im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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