It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
