im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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