So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I sprained my soul last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
