i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
