His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
