I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
