My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
