we have pet lesbian snakes
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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