I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize