I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
