Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
