direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
