some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
