I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
