69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize