I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
