nutella sex= disaster
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
