i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he shaved USA in his pubs
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
