Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
