the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
