how can u be prego again
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
