So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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