thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
