Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
