you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
