Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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