I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
