what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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