his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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