you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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