hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
