just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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