he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
