the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
