all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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