grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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