Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
