I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
