Already got asked if we're dating
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
