After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
